Where I’m At

by David on March 13, 2010

Just a quick note to keep you posted on where I’m at.

My last update, the Milford Track, took place at the end of January.

Brimming with gratitude and love for life, I met my mother in Queenstown February 1. She was due to fly out of Auckland February 21st, so we spend the next three weeks traveling through the country, back up to the big city.

We had a great time and it was so good to see her.

Sometime around the middle of the month, a big black cloud descended on me. With my budget running on fumes, and my mother’s visit coming to an end, I knew that soon I would need to find some income. I was overwhelmed by the feeling that my fascinating, life-changing, liberating, four-month expedition — one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had — was over. It was like I could feel my heart grinding to a halt.

I became irritable and ungrateful, and descended into a nasty funk. Job searching is a trying experience at the best of times for me, and this was definitely not the best of times. All thoughts of possibility and curiosity evaporated. It was around this time I discovered I am much more of a pessimist than an optimist.

So I spent a week getting organized, because I figured clarity would lead to ease. I wanted to go about the job search from a place of clarity and confidence.

Well I did achieve clarity, in terms of having all of my affairs in order. Written down, planned, accounted for. I had never been so organized. But I did not achieve confidence. Not at all.

I didn’t want to do it. Everything felt all wrong. I tried to work up confidence and intention every morning, but I ended up doing anything but actually contacting employers. Time and money ticked by, with nothing giving.

A few days ago, I decided to forget the idea of finding surveying work in Auckland. I couldn’t see it happening. I wouldn’t let it happen.

Maybe it was some intuitive resistance, maybe it was just my crippling allergy to job-searching, but I decided to try something else.

So I’m skipping town. I will go to the Bay of Plenty and join the legions of seasonal workers in the kiwifruit industry. I booked a bus and a bed and tomorrow morning I hit the road.

It feels good to get outta Dodge. I was rotting here in Auckland.

I’ll spend three months down there doing physical work, replenishing the coffers, then hit the road again. I have covered a lot of ground in New Zealand, but there are a few places I still want to see.

For the first time in a while, I feel relaxed and playful.

I think I’ve also decided just to use this blog as a travel journal, in addition to an occasional photo album, instead of going through the whole song and dance of finding post images and all that. Feels good. Nice and casual.

And now we’re up to date.

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